The silent epidemic-Depression and Men

5 min readNov 16, 2021

I’d like to share my motivation for supporting Movember. On November 15, 2017 my wife and I lost our baby. I wrote about this at length here. That event was more than hard for me, it was crippling. I don’t know that I have the words, even now, to express what it was that I went through that day or the months after. But what I can say is that I know I was depressed for quite some time after and that event still colors much of my life now.

Men get depressed. It’s a fact. It happens. And in those moments, we may not see a way out. I understand that this is something we don’t talk about often. After all, showing stress and sadness is a sign of weakness, men are in control of their emotions, men can power through it, and a man doesn’t ask for help. Those are all lies and misconceptions.

The fact is that in 2015, white males accounted for 7 of every 10 suicides in the US. In 2015 44,193 people over the age of 15 killed themselves. That means that 30,935 men were lost that year, 85 every day and just over 3 every hour.

The numbers don’t lie and they aren’t getting any better. If you’re going through it right now, I want you to know:

I’m not going to try to sell you on some pie in the sky, everything is great story. My goal here is to provide you with some concrete things that you can hold on to.

Effects of Suicide on Family and Friends

Suicide is (made up word warning) epically, devastating on everyone that you know. The trauma that your family will be left to deal with can be so harsh that they aren’t sure those left behind will ever be able to overcome it.

Friends and family affected by those whom have committed suicide will likely experience their own mental health crisis. This can be so bad that in some cases, children who have been impacted, may go on to take their own life. In fact, the younger the child at the time of the loss the more likely this is to occur.

While I know this does not change the specific situation which is driving the thought that suicide is the only option, I hope that it serves to remind you that there are people depending on you.

Signs and Symptoms of depression

Desperate feelings can be hard to deal with, much less to comprehend. Occasionally they are short-lived, but other times they can seem to last forever like there is no way out. The thought of ending it all seems to promise relief from agonizing pain.

You might not think you’ll ever act on the thoughts, but you need to take it serious.

Actions to overcome

There are ways to overcome suicidal thoughts. When the moment strikes I hope you’ll think back on these tips:

Get somewhere safe

Usually the thoughts of suicide will hit when you’re in a dangerous situation. When you’re driving, near weapons or other harmful objects like medications.
When you feel the thoughts clicking, try to remove yourself from the situation.

Stop and breathe

In many other posts, like how to meditate, I talk about breathing.
Taking a moment to breathe will help to shift your attention, even if momentarily.
Try square breathing, four seconds in, hold for four, four seconds out, hold for four.

Visualize

Turn your thoughts to something positive. It may help to decide what that is in advance so that when the moment strikes you are ready.
If you are square breathing visualize the air going in and out.
Focus on an object near you and close out everything else. Think about specifics of the object in as much detail as possible.

Call a friend

Call someone, if you’re at this point it’s important that you at least attempt to reach out to someone you can trust.
Remember what I said earlier, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there, some of us more than others, we can relate.
Your friends and family are there for you and they want to help you. Reaching out now is less of a burden than it would be if they lost you.

Everything is temporary

Remind yourself that everything is temporary. Success and failure only last for a moment.
Given that you are not alone in feeling this way, realize that others have been where you are, and they made it through-You can too.

Look, at the end of the day, we all go through brutally hard events. Sometimes that builds up and we feel like we’re losing the fight. It’s okay. You’re not alone in the struggle. You can make it through, you deserve to make it through this battle. It will take guts and courage and hard work, but you can come out victorious. So stand firm.